Taken by Natalie Thompson

Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Simon Di Obeah Man (The sorcerer) [Adaptation of Acts 8:9-25]

*Profile talk a talk show aired in Jamaica it consists of a host speaking with various men and women who often come from humble backgrounds and are now doing well financially. 

*Obeah West Indian term which refers to sorcery, witchcraft and West African religious practices. 

Hello! Hellaaao!   Wah di baxide! A weh mi deh? How mi reach ere suh?
Hello! Hellaaao!  Jeez, where am I?  How did I get here?

It dark eeh man!
Man it dark!

A wah dat? Jeeezaz, who a scream suh? Oh God a wah dem a do to har? Soun like she a dead.  Mi need fi get out a ere!
What is that? Jeesus, who  screaming like that? Oh God what them doing to her? Sounds like people killing her. I need to get out of here!

Is how me even reach in here? ....
How did I even get in here?..

[I was important,
I lived a life wanted by many.
I was powerful!]

And were back, here on "Profile" with Mr. Simon Magus, a self  made billionaire who had humble beginnings in rural Jamaica. 

He spoke earlier of often having to go to school barefoot, unable to afford shoes.  He also spoke of farming on the family plot and helping his grandmother make herbal remedies for
people in the community to increase his family's income.  

Yes so Mr. Magus you are now a a business mogul turned celebrity man.  Heh heh you laughing is a serious thing I saying man.  Yuh very popular on social media. Over 5 million followers on Instagram.  You also have a Facebook page and your YouTube videos are wildly popular on an international level.  Mhm, everyone is amazed with your life.  On there we see that you are living a very luxurious lifestyle. 

Yes man, you are doing things we can only dream of. Living in what can only be described as a large Mansion in Cherry Gardens, flying in private jets around the world, with very nice looking young ladies by your side.  Not to mention going to the most exclusive clubs; and you do all this all while wearing the most expensive clothing.  I mean many people would say you living the life.

Ha ha. Yes Leon, I guess many would like to be in my shoes, understandably.

So give us some insight on how you came to live this life.

Well I've created a strain of bananas that are able to thrive in times of drought.  This would boost Jamaica's GDP in future especially with the expected worsening effects of global warming.  Selling that strain made me a wealthy man.


Oh it looks like our time is up.  Well Mr. Magus Thank you for speaking with me

No problem Leon, my pleasure.

Tune in next week when we speak with......

[It was perfect!
I had notoriety
I had my the powers,

......Obeah ]

But how mi reach here?
No seriously. How did I get in here?




You!  Tap di noise, nuhbody nah come fi help yuh!
You! Stop the noise  no one is coming to help you!

A wah mi get mi a self inna now.
What did I get myself into now

Di lass thing mi memba is seeing dis man...
The last thing I remember is seeing a man....

and we would like to Welcome the preacher for this Sunday.  He is a mighty man of God, yes man.   He has been travelling around the world preaching the word of God.  Finally he is in Jamaica!  Give a warm welcome to Deacon Philips.

I was in a church, I remember.  I was at one of the bigger churches in Jamaica, attended by many prominent business men and women.  I was here networking
You see, prominent figures seen here were deemed trust worthy by many in society.  They were seen as people who cared about moral values and the well-being of others.  Obviously this wasn't always the case. 

Of course none of these people knew or believed I was an obeah man and couldn't.  Obeah was and still is illegal in Jamaica.  Yes, so, if I were to be known as an obeah man my businesses would be ruined and that wasn't going to work for me.

This Sunday visit was different though..... that man.....

Deacon Philip

He did some miraculous healings, all of which he said, were in the name of Jesus.  The blind in the church saw, the terminally ill were ill no more.  The church was in pandemonium, I've never seen anything like it!   It was so powerful, suh real!   Bwoy dis was jus different.

When he spoke about Jesus something within me changed, there was nudging at my heart.  I felt overwhelmed by an emotion, it was love.

I was amazed that God, this God loved me.  This powerful being loved and cared for me. 

[I wanted to be of something that was so much greater than me;

greater than anything I have ever known.
That unlimited power 
All a dat an mi still did waan more, I was jus greedy
Why mi neva jus repent, Oh God!]
(why didn't I just repent oh God!)

I thought I had seen the great extent of God's power when Philip did wonders at the church but that was nothing compared to what I saw Peter and John do. They baptised us, all who accepted Jesus in the spirit.  

It was as if the room was engulfed in flames, the fire grew as as person after person received the spirit.  When this happened these people were not themselves.  They spoke in tongues, others rambled phrases repeatedly and many;many were bawling. It was as though their consciousness, the core of their beings weren't present, in this this world. 

 I've seen people get in spirit before but this, this different. You could feel it man; this was unbelievable, everybody in the room was filled. 

[ I couldn't see that raw power and not want it for myself,
that was true power 
All I could think of was the big things I could have done with it;
God me did fool]
(God how stupid I was)

I wanted to have it, tha power. 
I needed it to be mine. I offered them money, the evangelists....

"I have to have it, let me buy it.  I'll give you anything you want just let me have it." I said and they just both looked at me like I was crazy. Give me this power man;so I can give the Holy Spirit to anyone I lay my hand on and pray ova"

"This cant buy!" John replied

"Why you feel you can buy  God?" Peter asked me. 

I couldn't even say nothing, I just stare up in a dem face like a idiot. 

"You are a greedy fool for thinking this, You have no place in di ministry; is not God you want is 
wealth yuh looking for. Yuh wealth will perish wit yuh", Peter say. 

"Repent, ask the Lord for forgiveness; yuh heart full of wickidness", him continue. 

An all I did is ask for him to pray for me suh dat dont happen, dats all..... 

[I neva repent
No I was just der... jus deh deh]
(no I was just there)

and now I reach here. 

Stuck in the dark in this stink, tough (hard) place.

An all  I hear is people bawling out in pain

Suppose is me nex....

Oh Lawd no!

Is who you?

Wah u a do?

Dont do it!

Please Mi a beg yuh, no!


Thursday, 7 January 2016


Esta an Maas Xerxes wedding did a di event a di season.
Esta and Lord Xerxes wedding was the event of  the season.

Joyce's daughter
Eeeeeh! Miss Joyce wah mek u seh suh?  Mi nuh feel like dem ole time days did nice like now. Uno suppose did stiff an boring a act prim proppa.
For real, Miss Joyce why you say that? I don't think you had as much fun then as we have now. In those days the focus was on being prim and proper, you must have been really stiff and boring.

Heh! Cooya is who she a talk to, bout act prim an propa! Maddie talk to yuh daughta yah! Mi nuh know a wah do dem young people here.
Ha, you hear her? who she talking to, we acted prim and proper and was boring? Maddie talk to your daughter I don't know what happen to today's young people

Ha, ha Mi daughta uno a nuh  di first set a  people to enjoy uno self. We did a do dat long before nun a uno born. Mhm mek we tell yuh bout di wedding n di niceness afta.
Ha ha.  My daughter you are not the first generation to enjoy yourselves. We were doing that long before any of you were born. Mhm, we will tell you about the wedding and the enjoyment that happened after.

Dem did have di wedding pan di propaty .  An a Mardiki walk har down di aisle.
They had the wedding on he property. Mardiki walked her down the aisle.

Mhm, him did look good yuh si! Wah a man handsome 
Mhm, he looked good! What a man handsome.

Joyce tap di noise! A nuh dat we fi a talk bout. Di wedding tell dem bout dat

Joyce hush up! That's not what we were talking about the wedding tell them about that.

Alright, Alright di wedding, yeah. She did dress inna har white dress n ting she did look natrally pretty.

Alright, Alright the wedding yeah. She was dressed in her white dress and looked
 just naturally pretty. 

Yeah is true she neva look like nuh pappy show or nuttin like dat.
Yeah its's true she didn't look like a idiot that's trying too hard  or nothing like that.

Dem did marry a night time unda one arch. It did have one bag a plant and flowas a grow pan it, white flowas to yes man did pretty. Hhhhmmm  *smiles*, man dem did look well happy. An yuh know we did get a nodda big celebration woiiiiii excitment! heh heh.

They were married at night under an arch. It had creepers and white flowers blooming and growing all over it. Hmmmm *smiles*, man they looked so happy. And you know we got another big celebration. Ayeee party! ha ha ha.

Why yuh muss always gwaan like a sketel, wit u one bag a noise calm dung man, chuh.
Why you must always act so classless with all the noise, calm down man, jeez.

Chuh Joyce stap gwaan suh stooch man. We did a dance nuuf nuuf nuf dancing man tink me neva si yuh. All Maas Xerxes an Esta did a dance, vybes was nice! We drink, we eat, we celebrate time did nice. 
Jeez Joyce stop acting so snobby man. We danced a lot whooole lot. You think I didn't see you. Even Lord Xerxes and Esta were dancing. The place had a nice had a nice energy man! We drink, we eat and celebrate. We had a good time.

But as uno already know nuff time when something good happen someting bad happen not too long afta. 

But as you know when something good often when something good happens something bad happens soon after. 

Mardiki one evening did a breeze out outside an buck up pan two a Maas Xerxes people a talk bout how dem waan kill him an him a get saaf. Him jus ich up pan di new queen.

One evening Mardiki was taking in some air and he overheard two of Lord Xerxes people hatching a plan to assassinate him. They were saying he's .=getting soft, he's always with the new Queen. He tries too hard to gain her favour,

Sunday, 3 January 2016

[ESTA POST 5] From me see dem man me know him was goin to pick har ... dem jus cannek / When i saw them man I knew he was going to pick her...they connected (Esther Approximately)

Yes suh as mi did a seh we watch Miss Esta go in a Maas Xerxes work room an ... 
Yeah so as I was saying we watched Miss Esta go in Mass Xerxes den and...

Oye Miss Joyce! Miss Joyce!
Hey Miss Joyce! Miss Joyce!

Yeah Maddie up ere mi deh, wah happen? Walk come man, di dawg nah bodda yuh!
Yes Maddie we're up here, whats happening? Come in man, the dog not going to bother you!

Joyce a wah uno up ere a do? Oh! yuh a tell dem di Esta story. Which part yuh reach?
Joyce what you guys doing up here? Oh! You telling them the Esta story. How far in are you?

Inna Xerxes work room
In Xerxes den

Den how yuh fi tell deh part dere an yuh neva deh deh? Me will tell deh part ere like how mi did inna di room when him did a talk to har.
How can you tell that part if you weren't there?  I will tell that part since I was in the room when he was talking to her. 

Alright Maddie tell it den
Alright Maddie tell it then

Yes suh mi did inna Xerxes room...
Yes so I was in Xerxes den

Him den did a one big room wit one nice pretty chandelier, an a fire place wah neva get use. Circle all round di whole a di room was a pretty mahogany shelf wit a bag a book ole an new; An inna di middle a di room was a rich brown mahogany desk.  
Me did a stan near di sofa inna di corner wit di drinks an ice cart when Miss Esta did walk in; she did look a likkle nervous. Maas Xerxes nuh stop look pan har from she walk in, him did have dis eva lasting broad grin pan him face,him look like him did in love. 

His den was a huge room with a very nice chandelier, and a grand fire place that never got used. Along the walls of the room were gorgeous mahogany shelves housing numerous books old and new. In the middle of the room was a deep brown desk also mahogany. I stood in the corner with the drinks and ice cart when Esta walked in, she looked a little nervous. Lord Xerxes  eyes were on her since she walked in, it was like he couldn't take her eyes off her; that was coupled with a goofy grin. The man looked like he was in love. 

"Hello,please come in. Have a seat" him say a point pan di sofa wit d broad grin still on him face. 
"Hello, please come in. Have a seat" he said motioning to the sofa, the broad grin still on his face.

"Thank you Lord Xerxes" she seh a smile." 
"Thank you Lord Xerxes" she said smiling."

*Heh heh heh* She did look well nervous man * heh * but it did work out fo di bess. 
*Heh heh heh* She looked really nervous man *heh* but it all worked out for the best.

Him did charm har man, an she did sweet him up. Fi di whole time all me did see is bare teeet, bare laughing dem deh pan; people dem outa door mussi say dem a mad.  From me see dem man me know seh him was goin to pick har, dem jus cannek. 

Man he charmed her and she charmed him. They were smiling and laughing the entire time. The people outside must have thought they were going crazy. As I saw this all happen from the corner of the room I knew he was going to choose her to be his wife. They just connected.

Yes, dem did in der fi a good while man like bout tree hour mmhm
Yes, they were in there for a while man, around three hours mmhm

Suh wait Miss Maddie him jus talk to har far tree hours an a it dat dem married? Afta him neva know har an she neva know him dat nuh mek nuh sense...

So wait Miss Maddie he spoke with her for three hours and that's it they were married? But he didn't know her and she didn't know him so that makes no sense...

Chile yuh affi look at tings inna dem contex
Child you have to look at things in context.

Weh dat mean?
What does that mean?

It mean yuh have to look at di time it happen a nuuff nuuff nuff years back dat happen enuh and dem time der different dan now. Times did diffrent.

Memba too ennuh God did sort it out dat part important too, yuh will see when the story dun.
It means you have to look at the time it happened. That happened way waay way back, and times then were different than times now. You also have to remember that God sorted it all out that part important too you know. You will see when the story is over.

"Hmh suh a Esta him pick tank God an we did glad don't it Joyce"
Mhm, he chose Esta thank God and we were very happy right Joyce

"Yes of course one black woman did a we Miss Xerxes we did feel seh tings sort out fi yes man we a guh stop get bad treatment an did a guh step up. 
*Sigh* If ongly a did dat happen if ongly"

"Yes of course a black woman was Lady Xerxes, we thought our lived were going to be better for us.  Yes man, we were going to be' treated better and were moving up. 
*Sigh* If only that happened, if only.